Episode 5: Tammie's Story

In this episode, join Maria as she dive into the inspiring and transformative story of her co-host Tammie Lakose, who bravely shares their personal journey through bariatric surgery.

Struggling with weight-related health issues, Tammie decided to take control of her life and explore the option of bariatric surgery. Tune in to hear the emotional rollercoaster of her decision-making process.

Tammie discusses the pre-surgery preparations, the challenges faced, and the unwavering determination that fueled her journey. Tammie discusses the impact on her relationships, self-esteem, and overall quality of life. She also sheds light on the misconceptions surrounding bariatric surgery and how it became a powerful tool in their pursuit of health and happiness.

Whether you're considering bariatric surgery yourself or simply seeking inspiration, this episode offers valuable insights, encouragement, and a firsthand account of the profound impact that weight loss surgery can have on one's life. Join Maria and Tammie on this journey of empowerment, resilience, and the pursuit of a healthier, happier self.

Transcript

Bariatric Surgery and Personal Stories

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Core Bariatric's podcast, hosted by bariatric surgeon Dr Maria Iliakova and Tami LaCos, bariatric coordinator and a patient herself. Our goal is building and elevating our community. The Core Bariatric podcast does not offer medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. On this podcast, we aim to share stories, support and insight into the world beyond the clinic. Let's get into it, maria. You know why I think we do things so well together Tell me, because we both have ADHD.

Speaker 2 0:34

Hey, now Okay mine is diagnosed. Dr Tami. Dr Tami diagnosed, that's true. Well, why do you say that that's a blow? Why do you say that?

Speaker 1 0:47

I don't think it's a blow. I think if people with ADHD, as much as it, has a lot of struggles, I think it makes us more productive. Yeah, and like we get stuff done.

Speaker 2 1:03

I love that because honestly yes, but then we also have paralysis, where we don't get a dang thing done. Yeah, no doubt. I think ADHD is such a like flip of a coin. The good part is you're always, your mind is always going, you're always thinking, you're always creating, you're always all these things. But then the flip side is, like you said, like having too much of that going on and all of a sudden you can't do anything.

Speaker 1 1:23

But once I embraced my ADHD, I feel like I'm able to utilize it better.

Speaker 2 1:28

Fair, so maybe I need to do the same. I feel calm now.

Speaker 1 1:30

Maybe I don't know. I've never seen you have the paralysis.

Speaker 2 1:36

Oh boy, you just don't see it, but it definitely happens. But why is this about me? This is supposed to be about you. Yes, this is exactly how it goes. We start talking about something about Tammy and all of a sudden, tammy doesn't want to talk about it and we start talking about a million other things.

Speaker 1 1:52

This episode is now I feel called out.

Speaker 2 1:54

You are called out because this episode is all about you and your story. Okay, okay, focus Tammy. No, kidding, no, but Tammy, tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you want everyone to know about you? How do you identify?

Speaker 1 2:09

Sorry, my mind went off in an inappropriate way. I am a mom. I have three boys 12, 6, and 2. 10 out of 10. Don't recommend Either get it done or don't have three. I am married, have been married since 2020, live in Iowa from Wisconsin. There's not much to me.

Speaker 2 2:34

I'm still finding me. Yes.

Speaker 1 2:36

I went to college, so I should say I had my son, my first son, when I was 18. He gave me the drive to go to college. I'm the first of my family to graduate college.

Speaker 2 2:49

Wow.

Speaker 1 2:49

And I went for respiratory therapy. Some easy stuff A respiratory therapist is Right Nurse for the lungs.

Speaker 2 2:58

Oh, I like that yeah.

Speaker 1 3:01

That's what I say Because everybody thinks we're nurses. So worked in hospital for a little while, then went to clinic, was there for three and a half years and you sucked me into bariatrics.

Speaker 2 3:15

No, big vacuum sound.

Speaker 1 3:19

No, so I obviously sought out bariatric surgery. One of the MAs the medical assistants in the clinic that you were working at brought me down. Yeah, because she knew I started the process prior. Yeah, but then got pregnant because when she started feeling good.

Speaker 2 3:37

Yeah.

Speaker 1 3:37

Yeah, anyways, so I had bariatric surgery with you. Yeah, I was your first bariatric patient.

Speaker 2 3:45

Yeah.

Speaker 1 3:46

Obviously you've done surgery before. Yeah.

Speaker 2 3:48

No, you were my first, and then Ever. I can't. Oh my God, I can't.

Speaker 1 3:52

And we meshed so well and you were so willing to hear thoughts how you can make your program better, and so you're like you should be our bariatric coordinator. So you fought for that and I started doing that.

Speaker 2 4:08

I'm so glad you're doing it.

Speaker 1 4:09

Our clinic didn't go great.

Speaker 2 4:11

Oh, the clinic went great I should say yeah, the clinic actually did go pretty great, but the rest of everything went different directions yes, so back in the hospital.

Speaker 1 4:20

I've missed the hospital, but it's really hard to come out of the treating chronic instead of acute, where patients are in the hospital with acute issues.

Speaker 2 4:31

Yeah.

Speaker 1 4:31

And so I want to solve all their problems like oh, what inhalers are you on?

Speaker 2 4:35

But I'm enjoying it.

Speaker 1 4:36

And you're giving me side tracks of doing this podcast and still making a difference in the bariatric community.

Speaker 2 4:43

Yeah, and I think that's very reasonable, because I think there's a lot of stuff that's there for before and why to do it and why it matters, but there's not that much out there for how you're supposed to live the rest of your life with it.

Speaker 1 4:54

And it changes a lot.

Speaker 2 4:55

Yeah, and you created, I think, a really good motivation for me to get involved in this too, because I think being on this side, on the surgery side especially, you're kind of like, oh, you do the procedure and you definitely see people a long time down the road and things like that. But the focus is really on getting the one thing done, the one surgery done, and getting to that and really getting people ready for that. And then at the other side there's not a lot of. I hate to say this, but medicine is a business. For anyone who doesn't know, and medicine makes money for a lot of people a lot of different ways, and I would not say the providers or the patients benefit from that necessarily the most. But right, and that's evidenced, I think, by the fact that after surgery, the kind of actual support and like long term care and things like that that people need or would benefit from, there's not really a way to support that from a medical system or bill for it or any of those things, which is why it doesn't exist.

Speaker 1 5:47

And there are a lot of providers out there. I think that practice like you, that they have the mentality of I want to help the patient forever but, just like you, were stuck in a atmosphere. That is no get the patient in get the patient get it done.

Speaker 2 6:05

And then everyone moves on.

Speaker 1 6:07

And then everybody hated us.

Speaker 2 6:08

What do you would say so much that it's just like, that's just how it is. You know what I mean. And if you want to create something different, then you got to create your own. So we're working on that. Yes, we're going to. We're going to keep everyone informed of how that's going. But, yeah, we're trying to create some resources for people. But I really want to hear about your story and your why you did this and why you even thought about it, because I think it's really important for people to hear.

Speaker 1 6:32

Yeah, absolutely so. I hate talking about myself. So bear with me, guys. Really my wise were my kids. I have three boys. As I said, my 12 year old is so active between baseball, football, so active and obviously to be good at those things you have to keep practicing. So me, as mom, I have to practice with him, playing with my kids. Honestly, there were days where I dreaded it. Yeah because I had no energy. Yeah that broke my heart when my kid just wants to play trains on the floor and I just don't have the energy. So that was definitely one of my wise. So no energy, for sure I did have sleep apnea, yeah.

Speaker 2 7:13

Unfortunately.

Speaker 1 7:15

I think I still do most people that have sleep apnea. It can be treated with weight loss. Unfortunately for me, I have a very high palate and a very narrow mouth, so the sleep tech that I'm working with now is like unfortunately, unless you get your anatomy changed you're probably always gonna have it like your mouth anatomy. Yes, yes. So I very, very thin mouth. It's not why it doesn't fit on my teeth clearly and my palate is very high.

Speaker 2 7:49

I got you, I got you.

Speaker 1 7:51

I'm gonna invest in myself. Yeah, my 12 year old just is getting done with his Invisal lines Nice. So I'm gonna invest in myself and do that Get some new teeth.

Speaker 2 8:01

I love it.

Speaker 1 8:02

No, I love that, I mean which is yeah, which is hard to do, it was hard to do Now. Now it's not so much. I prioritize myself.

Speaker 2 8:09

So tell me what changed. Why do you? You do sound like you're prioritizing yourself, and I want to congratulate you for that. That's a big deal, yeah. So what changed?

Speaker 1 8:18

Realizing that happy mom is happy family, Happy wife happy life. I like that. I'm very, very much so like it's not all about the woman you need to be a man happy to you know? Yeah, so I have this spouse happy house. I love that. So, yeah, making time for myself makes me happier, gives me more energy and more patience to deal with three, sometimes four, husband kids routing people. But I also had high blood pressure at. As I said, I'm only 30 now, so I had high blood pressure before I was even 30.

Speaker 2 9:01

Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:02

Like what the hell?

Speaker 2 9:02

Well, and what is it? So what does that feel? Well, no, no, no, you can say what the hell's. Okay, this is an approved, those approved language for this. I think Just don't go overboard. No kidding, tell me what that's like. What does it like to take blood pressure meds before 30? Like, why, why do you say before 30? It sounds like that's a big deal.

Speaker 1 9:20

Because I feel like in your 20s you're still your healthiest. No-transcript, yeah, I just don't know. You're at your healthiest. Your body hasn't disintegrated yet, or bad wording but I feel like at 30. Now again I'm working in the hospital. I had to buy my first pair of nice supportive shoes.

Speaker 2 9:40

Oh, good for you 30 is already going downhill. Good for you, no, I love it. No, no, no, no, no, no. But listen. So I did the same thing. My feet were hurting, yeah, no, I did the same thing. I started finally wearing compression socks and like my 30 year of residency and that's also around the time that I guess I was in my turning around to turn 30 or something like that and so, yes, but it makes a huge difference why we have this whole resistance to like helping ourselves and helping our bodies. It just it's so natural we don't like to do it.

Speaker 1 10:06

And I feel like I have gained so much weight. Had high blood pressure, sleep apnea no energy. I'm not worth spending any extra on myself. I wasn't. That was the mindset I was in, so whatever energy. I had, I felt like I had to put into my family. So that mindset has definitely changed.

Speaker 2 10:26

That's really interesting. I don't know that, I've heard people talk about that, but like your self worth changes or your ability to like invest in yourself, changes at different, like different perceptions of yourself, can you tell me more about that?

Speaker 1 10:38

Definitely good and bad perceptions. I used to talk negatively about myself all the time, like if me and my husband were planning to go out, I would sometimes cancel because I'm like I have nothing to wear, everything looks horrible on me and so now I don't even care.

Speaker 2 10:56

Honestly, no you've been sending me photos of you and like dressing up and all kinds of ways.

Speaker 1 11:04

Yeah, I'm gonna be a little more mindful of who I'm dressing up around, because apparently my husband's coworkers were impressed and verbalized that I love it. That's just a confidence booster, not that I need to be eye candy for anybody but myself and my husband.

Speaker 2 11:24

Well, sure. But, sure it feels good. It feels good. Congrats, that's a big deal. Yeah that's a big deal, that's awesome, that's so great. It does feel like there's a big shift in people's energy, and I don't mean like, oh, I feel very energetic, but it feels like people's energy about themselves changes through this. Can you tell me a little bit about that?

Empowering Women Through Career Prioritization

Speaker 1 11:47

Yeah, they feel worth working on, spending time on. So, yeah, like I've spent more time, not only, sure, getting my nails done, yeah, my hair done, shopping whatever, yeah, but career wise, yeah, us as women yeah let me just say that the one reason, one of the reasons I went to college and made sure I had a good job.

Speaker 2 12:12

Yeah.

Speaker 1 12:13

So I never had to rely on a man. I grew up in a household that that's how it was and a person was trapped and I never wanted that. Yeah, so I've always had a career, obviously, but my husband's has always been prioritized. So now I'm just like no. I'm going to work, you're staying home. Figure it out Like he would go a year without any PTO. So now my career is worth it yeah. To me now.

Speaker 2 12:42

I love it. And it definitely isn't. It's not a competition of like my job versus your job or me versus you, no, no. But it's also you're prioritizing yourself and what you want out of, not just, you know, in one aspect of your life, but in, like, all of these aspects of your life.

Speaker 1 12:57

Yeah, it was my turn to find, or continue to do stuff that made me happy. This makes me happy.

Speaker 2 13:05

Yeah, I love it. I love it. It's very energizing to hear it honestly, because I think a lot of people don't think about what kind of impact it's going to make in ways you can't measure, in ways you can't see pounds or in ways you can't see numbers necessarily, and it's a lot more about how you feel rather than 100%.

Speaker 1 13:26

I always ask patients how are you feeling? How? Do you feel I don't really care about your scale. That's Maria.

Speaker 2 13:35

I don't care about it either that much though you know that right Right.

Speaker 1 13:38

Exactly.

Speaker 2 13:39

Right so it's.

Speaker 1 13:39

How are you, how do you?

Speaker 2 13:41

feel Right, exactly. So how did it feel going in like before you knew what this was going to be like and things like that? You said one of the MAs brought you down. So it sounds like there was, there was another force involved, so what did it?

Speaker 1 13:53

Yes.

Speaker 2 13:53

Yeah, so what did it feel like before you got started?

Speaker 1 13:57

Gary is all get up Like. I knew people that have had bariatric surgery.

Speaker 2 14:02

Yeah.

Speaker 1 14:03

So I wasn't afraid of the surgery itself. Yeah, I was honestly more afraid of how it would change me how it would change my relationship like the stuff that people really don't look at. Honestly, it felt like the lowest part of my life because I'm sitting in a waiting room in a bariatric surgeon's office waiting for an eval because I can't stop gaining weight. I gained 100 pounds in a year after my third son and so it just felt not great. But being in front of you you never felt made me feel less worthy or that you were judging me for being obese Like you. Look at the big picture of what else is going on. Sometimes it's not just eating less and moving more. And yeah, you never asked me like because you left it to the dietitian, obviously but you never asked like are you eating crap? Are you moving Like you really never. You're like let's get down to the why this is happening. You asked what do you want to achieve out of this? And it definitely was not just to get skinny, because I'm not. It was just to feel better.

Speaker 2 15:18

Yeah, and that's yeah, that's beautiful. I mean, like, do you think that if it had been a different experience, what if it had been an experience that was a little bit more focused on anything else, I guess, or numbers, or just a different approach?

Speaker 1 15:30

Well, with that, I probably have an eating disorder and I'd probably care about. I'd be so hyper focused on what I'm eating. I'd be afraid of if I gained five pounds, going into an office and having to tell my surgeon I gained five pounds. Oh yeah, that's why I wanted to share you with the world honestly, because so many people I see on Facebook are dealing with I don't want to go to my appointment because I've gained a little weight and they're going to get judged for that.

Speaker 2 16:02

Yeah and yeah. Yeah, it does break my heart actually, because we can do so much better and we it doesn't even matter, like it's not even a matter of how you want to do it or it looking nice or not looking nice or any of those things. It's like backed by data. That's the thing that kills me. Yeah, like attaching weight to morality or shame or really anything, but like what are our goals here? And kind of starting maybe with the weight but then moving on very quickly to things that are not just the weight. It's just like that's good healthcare, that's good science.

Speaker 1 16:35

See, that's what I loved about your workflow and pathway was okay. Here's your weight. I don't give a crap what your weight is from now until surgery. You're like I want you to make those changes, and if you lose weight in the process, that's great. But it's not. Our goal is to lose this weight, so you made it. So we focused on getting our water in, not going out to eat as much. You never came in and said how much weight did you lose?

Speaker 2 17:01

Because that's jarring for people and I think a lot of people think like oh, isn't that motivating? Doesn't Jill Michaels on, you know?

Speaker 1 17:07

like greater. No, it makes me scared to come in Exactly, and you like? Oh, I gained five pounds.

Speaker 2 17:12

Exactly, and I think people need to realize that that, like it's not about ego, it's not about like me good for myself, or me figuring out how to make myself feel good, it 100% is about somebody else getting what they want out of it.

Speaker 1 17:28

Period I love about you. We've worked with people that it's not the same. But some people need that type of person or type of surgeon. They just need someone to be like no, you need to lose this weight. That's, it is what it is Right. People need that.

Speaker 2 17:45

Sure, not me. Sure I love it, but I think, you know, because that kind of judgment and that kind of attitude exists in the world, so much for us to reinforce that in the clinic or in the anyway, in any kind of like actual care we're providing to people, just seems really silly to me and it seems unnecessary, because if you are looking for that, you will find that in the world around you there is no lack of that, but there's, like you said, a huge lack of empathy, because we're dealing with human beings, and we're dealing with human beings that, like you said, that are sometimes feeling like they're at the lowest point in their life and not feeling so high.

Speaker 1 18:20

You don't know what people are going through?

Speaker 2 18:21

Not at all.

Speaker 1 18:22

Honestly, I've looked at a lot of our patients and dug in to get to know them and then it's kind of like, oh, that that makes sense.

Speaker 2 18:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:32

Like it just makes sense of why you are the way you are.

Speaker 2 18:35

Yes.

Speaker 1 18:35

And you, just most of our patients just need support. They need a community. That's me Like. I have my husband. Yeah, I have some friends, but they don't understand. Yeah, that's what people need.

Speaker 2 18:49

I feel like right, that's what like binge eating comes in Is.

Speaker 1 18:53

people are struggling.

Speaker 2 18:54

Right, right, and don't necessarily have it all in it, but I like to help has a lot to do with this.

Speaker 1 18:58

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 18:59

And, to be honest with you, like I relate to this to end of this episode about you. I promise I love how we can people can hear us connect.

Speaker 1 19:05

We are completely and you will say, no, I know, but we're completely different.

Speaker 2 19:10

Yeah, no, it's true. But we share common struggles 100% because I share the binge eating disorder and all of that. Like that is an active part of my life and always will be. I understand for me, for instance, when it's kind of a two way street or like a feed forward mechanism there too, where once it gets activated, once it gets triggered by something, it's hard for me to go to anyone for help and it's easier to isolate. And isolation then makes it more reinforced and with it being more reinforced then I feel the more of the need to isolate and so on. And I think a lot of people can really relate to that sounds like a lot of folks just period, and not even people that we're seeing or people that were treating or anything like that. It's just a lot of people out there can really relate to. I am struggling for some reason and then I'm making it even worse on myself because I'm isolating and not getting help and I know I should be or I know I could be, but it's so hard and embarrassing and tough and all those things and everyone relates to that Because of what people think of bariatric surgery.

Barriers and Support for Bariatric Surgery

Speaker 1 20:13

It's embarrassing and I know that's why a lot of people do not step foot in a bariatric surgery office, because they're afraid of the judgment. I actually saw a post the other day in a Facebook group. I just wanted to cry for her. She had surgery, lost weight, she goes to the gym all the time and this very attractive man came up to her and was talking to her and knew she lost a lot of weight and was like looking to hang out and all that. Somehow they got on the topic of losing weight and he's like how'd you do it? What'd you do? And she's like I had bariatric surgery and she said that his face just went blank and he started treating her differently. And she even stuck up for herself and said I'm here at the gym Five days, five, six days a week. I run eight miles like she's doing all the things. Why are we getting judged for a jumpstart or a tool when she's doing all the work? She's doing all the same things you are doing.

Speaker 2 21:16

Yeah, that was my mind, because you hit on this woman. Clearly you think she's attractive and she's literally at the gym doing the thing that you are to, and then, all of a sudden, we judge people. It's literally like judging someone for taking a blood pressure medication to get their blood pressure in check, the amount of and nobody has judgment for that. No, we shouldn't have judgment for this either. It's like we're using a medical procedure. We're using a medical treatment for a medical thing. What on earth can we get our heads out of our butts on this one? Possibly Like as a society but no, you're right Like this is yes, I get very, very riled up about this because it is medical care. It is medical care that works. Clearly, it works. If the person's at the gym and joined their life and they're getting what they want out of it, it worked. That's the thing to celebrate and people getting weird about it or having thoughts. You can have all the thoughts in the world about it, but if you're not willing to get educated about it and change those thoughts, ultimately that's just a form of discrimination. Yeah, it's just a form of wanting to keep yourself in the dark and hurt other people A lot of people don't tell people they have bariatric surgery. Right.

Speaker 1 22:25

Meanwhile I'm over here like. So, joe, I'm like if I have bariatric surgery I won't fight.

Speaker 2 22:30

But look at how awesome that is, though, because I know this process has not been straightforward for you. I know it's not been easy. I know you did a ton of preparation and I actually want to know about that a lot more, but I'm so proud of you for talking about it, because that helps other people realize they could do it too, and, ultimately, I think it moves the needle, with people being willing to talk about it and willing to understand that this can be really helpful and really awesome, yeah.

Speaker 1 22:57

I'm an open book for everybody, honestly, so tell me what it is.

Speaker 2 23:01

Can you tell me, to me, how you prepared?

Speaker 1 23:04

So I had to have at least six months worth of appointments before having surgery due to my insurance. I had an hour drive to and from work. So an hour each way, so two hours a day, five days a week. I listened to all the YouTube videos, I listened to all the books on Audible, I read all the articles, listen to people's journeys, all the things. So I prepared. I knew a lot. You're still learning, like there's so much that we don't know. So I prepared a lot. I knew a lot. I wanted to know what I was getting into, especially with the mental health issues that my family and myself with and addictions and stuff like that. I wanted to make sure I knew how to handle that. Yeah, and I know how to handle it. Nope, there's nothing out there about it. There's nothing out there about all the hard things.

Speaker 2 24:02

Yeah, no kidding, because I think it's either. I mean, we just we have a tough time talking about difficult things, period. And you're right, there's not a lot out there about what to do when you're struggling, because it's not a matter of when for something, and that's not unlike anything else that's worth doing. Right, how about getting support from family and friends, because you've mentioned a couple of times that even now, it's sometimes tough to relate to people who haven't gone through this, so can you tell me a little bit more about that?

Speaker 1 24:32

So my husband's always been supported. I've always been an open book with him prior to surgery. I'm like, if you ever see me going back into bad habits, I want you to be open, honest with me. If you ever see me drinking more than I would, you need to be honest with me because I have those. What are they called?

Speaker 2 24:52

Tendencies towards that.

Speaker 1 24:54

Not tendencies, but I have those risk factors. Okay, got it. Yes, okay. So my mental health provider said I would never drink a day after surgery honestly. But drinking has never been my thing, but I made sure that my husband would be open and honest about that. Got it. My husband has always been supportive. He's still supportive because when I had low iron, still have low iron, so tired, and so he knew when I needed a nap I needed a nap.

Speaker 2 25:21

Right.

Speaker 1 25:23

But he's also like have you taken your vitamins? If you're not taking your vitamins, I almost don't feel bad for you.

Speaker 2 25:30

You don't deserve this kitty.

Speaker 1 25:34

So, yeah, honestly, yeah, if he saw me continuing to be tired, not taking my vitamins, honestly, he probably wouldn't be as supportive. He'd probably be like again don't even feel bad for you. So he's very supportive, very open and honest. I don't have a lot of family. I'm pretty much estranged from my parents. My other family lives far away. Actually, nobody in my family knew I was having surgery, except I did tell my grandma the day prior and she was a little mad at me, But-.

Speaker 2 26:01

Wait what? Was she mad at you because you hadn't told her, or was she mad at you for doing it, or both?

Speaker 1 26:05

No, she was mad at me because I didn't tell her. We actually have one of my aunt's best friends, husbands, who comes to all of our thanksgivings when we did do Thanksgiving, had bariatric surgery too, and she recognized that it could do the same thing. She's like oh, this is the same surgery as him, okay, okay, no, yeah, she was just mad that I didn't tell her. But I didn't want the judgment, not that I think she would judge me, I just don't want your comments. So I really didn't tell a lot of people, honestly, even some of my closest friends there's reasons for that, just the judgment. And yeah, I still struggle with having that support group Because, even though people say they're supportive, they don't know how to support you and you don't want to have to and, honestly, you can't tell people how to support you, right. So that's where a community, a bariatric community, would be honestly helpful for a lot of people and myself. So, again, doing this selfishly.

Speaker 2 27:05

Selfishly. Oh, that's good, that's muddy.

Speaker 1 27:10

I want a community. I want people that in a positive community. I don't want to post on a Facebook group and be like, oh, I gained five pounds, and people just being like what are you doing wrong? Are you drinking your water? Are you eating enough protein? Blah blah blah. So I want a community that is positive and looks at the big picture, that it's not always eat less, move more. I have the support of my husband. My 12 year old even supports me like mom. Let's go for a run.

Speaker 2 27:37

Yes, he does. Yeah yes, he does. He's incredible. Yeah, he's incredible he is. He's been teaching me how to use all this. Yeah, you've gone from like none of the technology to being like tech queen. Look at this AI thing we're doing with our podcasts and, honestly, what a cool transformation to I feel like, do this whole process like anything that comes your way. You're like bam, bam, I'll figure it out, I'm going to do this and it is the key to go up to people and figure it out 100% Like. I wish you never, ever stopped doing that, because that's so cool to watch You've given me more confidence to be able to do it too.

Speaker 1 28:14

One before it was just. You know, I had all these ideas and everything, but I always thought to myself, like they're not good enough, I'm not good enough, like nobody says to me I'm a, make you listen to me, now You're good enough, tammy, you're not even good enough.

Speaker 2 28:27

You're like the best, but honestly you might like. I think a lot of people really downplay themselves and weight and things like that causes people to sort of shrink out of themselves sometimes and it's so like it sucks because I feel like it's not valid, it's not like right, any of those things. And I don't mean to say I'm not trying to invalidate anyone that feels that way, not at all. What I mean. What I mean is like I hate that that people feel that way and I hate that people feel like that's in society, like that we are allowed to do that to people. I think it's terrible. You've said that this has had a lot of emotional and psychological impacts on you. Would you mind talking about some of that?

Speaker 1 29:08

Yeah, so I can no longer blame any of my issues on weight. I can't blame relationships on my weight. I can't like it all just comes out. I feel like I feel like we are able to mask some of the mental health issues that we've made whatever had or have with eating or stuff like that. And now you can't do that because I don't want to go out drinking. I don't want to spend all my money, so now it's all coming like I have to deal with it Interesting.

Speaker 2 29:41

Okay.

Speaker 1 29:42

So a lot of anxiety and depression has come out, just in different ways. It's not so much on my looks anymore, it's now honestly tackling the past and why I was the I was prior to certainly like why was I poor, insecure, why, just why? Why was that a mean person? I used to be a mean person and now looking back is because of the insecurities. I didn't want any attention on myself. So now I honestly look at people that are being jerks to other people and I'm just like that's not cute, it's not.

Speaker 2 30:19

And it's coming from a place of hurt for a lot of people.

Speaker 1 30:23

often, it is, it is. So, that's where I look deeper and try to have compassion for cranky people. Love it Honestly.

Speaker 2 30:32

You become the crank whisperer. That actually sounds like a porn name. That's not a good that's.

Speaker 1 30:39

We shouldn't know, right, we may want to do that out, so now my emotional maturity has been heightened, has gotten more mature and more in tune with my emotions and all of that, and I have more patience and all of that. And that has changed some relationships, including my husband, because he's not into the emotions.

Speaker 2 31:05

What guy is? And I know, you do catch the rare bird sometimes, but they usually get beaten up for it too many times and then they, they, absolutely.

Speaker 1 31:16

Absolutely so. I think once you, once people stop asking all their mental health issues with eating or unhealthy habits, you are forced to reckon yeah Head on. Yeah, and that can be super damaging.

Speaker 2 31:31

Has it been easy for you to find, like mental health resources afterwards or to deal with it? I know you, you see someone for that and that's a really, obviously a really great way to do it. But outside of that, or actually just tell me about your experience with that how do you deal with it?

Bariatric Surgery Challenges and Support

Speaker 1 31:44

I'm just lucky.

Speaker 2 31:45

Yeah.

Speaker 1 31:45

Because our mental health provider that we have for our program specializes in childhood trauma yes, d up like that, and I feel like most of our patients, or most bariatric patients, do have some sort of childhood trauma or past PTSD, stuff like that. So finding someone that specializes in that is key and, just like your surgeon, just like any health provider, if you aren't getting what you need out of them, find someone else. Unfortunately, sometimes they're harder to come by, yes, and you may have to search a lot and, unfortunately, some insurances. It's hard to do that Because actually our mental health provider is going out on her own and is only going to be covering Blue Cross Blue Shield. I don't have Blue Cross Blue Shield, so I will have to pay more out of pocket and so mental health is not covered as well as it should be.

Speaker 2 32:44

Right. Actually, a lot of this stuff isn't. I feel like ideally we would have a lot of support with like nutrition long term and mental health long term, and it wouldn't just be some people getting that, it would be everyone.

Speaker 1 32:55

Dietitian appointments don't even get covered by 90% of insurance.

Speaker 2 32:59

No, they don't. Which is bananas? Because they're baloney.

Speaker 1 33:03

Yeah, no kidding Baloney.

Speaker 2 33:04

Especially because they're required. That's the part that kills me. Like you were saying, you had six months of required visits and those visits include required dietary visits but aren't covered by insurance, exactly Like how crazy that is, but it is not uncommon. That's a really common feature of a lot of these plans that cover us.

Speaker 1 33:22

Yay insurance.

Speaker 2 33:24

Insurance could be better, a lot better.

Speaker 1 33:26

Very much so. I am very blessed with good insurance. That's why I don't want to change, but it still sucks.

Speaker 2 33:33

I gotcha, I gotcha. Can you tell me a little bit about? I know a lot of folks wonder what the actual processes of going through surgery and recovering after surgery and sort of that like true logistics of it. Can you tell me a little bit about what that was like?

Speaker 1 33:48

So obviously depending on your insurance and a program's requirement. Most people need to be in a program three to six months. During that time, you are seeing a dietitian. Make sure you are on the road of making good choices, changing those things you need to change, getting labs in an EKG, making sure you're healthy to have surgery, making sure you're mentally stable to have surgery. And there's been patients that we've had to say not at this time, not at this time, but we can get there. We can get there and they just needed those resources. I do want to say a lot of people think that they're afraid that their anxiety and depression are going to get them rejected for surgery. Yeah, no, they are looking at deep rooted issues. Yes, like, are you going to be a harm to yourself, are you going to be a harm to others, kind of thing. So don't stress out about that part. Yes, just be open and honest, because those providers can potentially help you with resources after surgery and so if you're open about those resources, they'll be like yeah, they're fine, they're in tune with their mental health, kind of thing.

Speaker 2 34:58

In fact, anxiety and depression can be an indication for meaning, like it can be a reason for you to get bariatric surgery or bariatric care in general.

Speaker 1 35:05

So yeah, you're absolutely right, yeah the mental health is not to be like oh yeah, they have anxiety and depression and we can't have it. No, it's looking for really like unhealthy way of dealing with stress alcohol, drop all the things that would be detrimental to someone, and then a lot of programs require a scope. I got out of that. Now that I'm educated, I almost wish I did.

Speaker 2 35:30

Yeah right.

Speaker 1 35:31

The biggest thing is testing. One of the things is testing for that H-Pylori. If I would have known you are going in there to make sure all structures are good and it just makes surgeries safer because you know what you're getting into I would have done it. I would have done it. There's a reason for those things.

Speaker 2 35:50

There's a reason for everything and, you're right, those aren't required for everyone, but I do. I mean, as a general rule in our program we do, and the reason why is because it just helps you get the lay of the land and it helps things be a little bit safer. But I know people are scared of procedures, people are scared of having to go under anesthesia, people are scared of risk and that's super fair Time off work, the cost, I mean. There are real reasons that people can choose not to do things and real concerns that people have. So, you're right, talk with your people, talk with whoever's taking care of you and say is this something I really need? Is it not? Is it going to be extra Time, cost, risk, those kinds of things? Because, you're right, sometimes it's a discussion rather than a mandate.

Speaker 1 36:32

Right, right, and preoperatively, our preop diet was not liquid, thank goodness A lot of programs I think still are but our liver shrinking diet included food, all food, a little bit of food, but still food. Oh yeah, because I feel I see so many posts on Facebook of people like I can't do this. This is torture and I honestly think it is. To be honest, I agree, and I just did the one day preop liquids and then the week after, liquids, which isn't even as hard as people think, because you struggle just to sip a thing of water. You don't want to eat anything.

Speaker 2 37:16

Yeah, we beat you up pretty good.

Speaker 1 37:17

Preoperatively I didn't really have a whole lot of pain. Luckily you did my surgery with the robot, Though it just was more precise and whatnot. So I really didn't have a lot of pain afterwards. It was just getting the fluids in, especially in health care. I knew I had to get those under control before I went back to work, but otherwise it's been good. You learn foods that don't like you and you learn the hard way of ooh, it's not too much, because by the time you realize you ate too much it is way too late. But still dealing with stuff day to day because mental health is still a thing, Relationship problems are still a thing in being worked through, I think this just has forced me to dig into the demon.

Speaker 2 38:04

Honestly, that's hard because I don't think everyone's ready for that and people wonder why it takes some time especially in some cases more than others to get to surgery, because everyone's like, what's the big deal? It's a surgery that's pretty safe and all this stuff and yeah, it's not the surgery itself, it's the afterwards. Exactly.

Speaker 1 38:23

When you start seeing weight fall off you, but now you have this loose skin. It messes with your mind. There's a lot of things that mess with your mind and you still feel super big. Yeah, it's a lot of mental.

Speaker 2 38:39

Maybe it's more mental.

Speaker 1 38:42

Wait more.

Speaker 2 38:42

Yeah, yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right. I'm just really grateful that you are being honest about things and that you talk about how challenging some of these things are, because I really think a lot of people want to know what they're getting into.

Speaker 1 39:00

That's what I wanted, but I couldn't find it.

Speaker 2 39:02

But you couldn't find, yeah, and honestly, there's only so much that anyone else can share with you if they haven't gone through the process themselves. Even if they have, maybe their experience wasn't the same. So it takes a lot of voices, it doesn't.

Speaker 1 39:16

Yes, it takes a lot of voices, and that's why I want people coming on here sharing their experiences, because everybody's is different.

Speaker 2 39:23

Right, and everyone's going to have an experience that maybe resonates with someone if we get enough voices talking about it. Then this whole building a community, the whole idea is. You know, actually I went to something yesterday where I met a guy. We were both working on a project and we were both new to each other and we were standing in the lobby chatting and then bouncing ideas off of each other. We had such a great conversation and it's that we want to create. It's that kind of feeling of like you get to find your people and you get to have conversations that are exciting and interesting and maybe you wouldn't be able to have with other people because you're all in it together and you get to share experiences and find your buddy, find your.

Speaker 1 40:02

But I also think that we're a little unique, that look, I know you don't throw your title out there ever. Honestly, you're not better than anybody. That's your mentality, obviously, and I love it. But what makes us a little different is we have a surgeon in our community that can talk about this stuff that isn't talked about, and you are science, like facts, not just. This is what my surgeon told me. This is what my surgeon told me.

Speaker 2 40:32

You're right, you're wrong, yeah there's a lot more to it than that and, believe me, I'm never going to say you know this, the surgeon doesn't know, or the surgeon is right or the surgeon is wrong, because there's a diversity of reasons behind why people do certain things and oftentimes we don't have a totally clear answer. So there's going to be variety. But actually, let's go back to you. So I want to talk about some of the accomplishments and challenges. You've mentioned some of the mental ones. What about some others, like with your family or with friends, or just you in general? What are you? How's life now?

Speaker 1 41:03

It's pretty good. I have the energy to play with these who again? Yeah, I went on a roller coaster, so I did. I have in the past. Yeah, but that was another reason for looking into bariatric surgery is so every year we go to adventure land, which is like a six flags for my husband's job. They have to go every year. I got on a roller coaster and it wouldn't shut. My son's like wait, why did you get off? Heartbreaking? So I went on a roller coaster, we went. I even drug him on some what I love it. Get on here, not risk taking. Mom, bring her back. Look at you.

Speaker 2 41:46

Look at you.

Speaker 1 41:48

Yeah, but I have the energy to play with my kids, I have the energy to go out and do things. My husband even said he wasn't ready for all the energy. Like usually, I'm like, no, I don't really want to go out, and now I'm like let's go out.

Speaker 2 42:02

Let's do it.

Speaker 1 42:03

Let's go.

Speaker 2 42:04

Yeah, I love honestly, we've heard that a lot, or like, I've definitely heard that a lot of people that, like one, the one person who went through it is now running circles around the other. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 42:12

So I think my husband's managing that.

Speaker 2 42:15

You've become a hooligan. Look at you, you've become one of the three. Can't blame those kids.

Speaker 1 42:22

I just I don't even know how to explain how Good things have changed. I'm more confident confident with people, I should say. I am still very insecure about my body because there's loose skin. There is not, but I'm more confident. Yeah, I am no longer going into a room seeing if I'm the biggest person in the room. Instead, I go into a room Because I usually know who will be there.

Speaker 2 42:52

Yeah.

Speaker 1 42:53

And I'm like which person am I going to go up to to talk about my thoughts? My new CEO during orientation? I'm like so what are your thoughts on a very active program? Yeah, I would have never done that. Nope, nope, nope. And he's like let's talk. Yeah, nobody goes up to their CEO their first week and be like hey, how about this?

Speaker 2 43:17

Right, well, maybe they do, but but yeah, that's. I think that's so incredible because it's not like you have a voice.

Speaker 1 43:25

It's not something we talk about. It's not something like we always talk about scale our clothes.

Speaker 2 43:31

Right, right.

Speaker 1 43:32

Nobody talks about being able to walk up to a very important person and have a conversation with them.

Speaker 2 43:39

And be that we're equal and to be that very important person, to like think of themselves as that very important person.

Speaker 1 43:45

We're not there yet. Okay, okay, we're getting there.

Speaker 2 43:49

Work in progress, work in progress, all right, right. Well, tammy, I am so amazed by you. I'm inspired by you, and I think you serve to create something on your back that is going to be really, really helpful and great for other people too. You're building an entire community out of your experience. That's pretty amazing.

Speaker 1 44:07

I really, really do hope so.

Speaker 2 44:09

You are that very important person. Get that out of your head please. Okay, okay, got it I'll put that down for my homework. I love it. Just crack it open, get it out of there and then move along. Yes, yes, we'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on today. If people want to share their experiences in going through bariatric surgery and afterwards and all the changes they've undergone, we'd love to hear about that and your questions, and we're so thankful that you're with us. So thanks for joining.

Speaker 1 44:34

Yes, go ahead and follow us, and we'll see you next time.

Speaker 2 44:37

Bye beautiful, oh, bye lovely.